Finally saw a doctor after my anxiety made it near impossible to do so after 6 years. After making it through the appointment, being told my heart sounds good and my blood pressure is great, the weight of that fear finally being lifted off my shoulders, the sky looked immensely beautiful. Got an echo scheduled soon which will be the true tell of how my heart is doing, but I am not afraid anymore. For the longest time I was very passive about my health and quite honestly, didn't care what could happen to me. I think that's just how it was for me as an anxious and depressed kid. Its odd, but freeing, to finally be in a place where I actively want to take care of myself. My beautiful partner has helped me immensely in this journey of self-love and Im incredibly grateful for her and her unending support.
Yes, I AM worth caring for. Yes, I AM worthy of love. So are you. Always. ♡
Hi hello, I have many thoughts about the queer experience and Im posting my ramble here! I encourage those who don't identify as queer themselves to still give this a read. 🫶
Queer love, even in a communal sense, is so sacred and immense. It's hard to describe, but it's just so unique. I love being able to be seen for how I truly am and to be able to tell others "I see you". I feel so incredibly lucky to have been a part of so many queer folks' journeys throughout the years. It's such a high honor to watch people find themselves and flourish. That is not an easy thing to do. It's scary to look deep within yourself and question things you may never really think about. It is so ingrained in people's heads that things are the way they are "just because". Once you start thinking, "Why?" or, "What if I'm different than what I've thought I've always been/what I'm expected to be?", it can feel so very isolating. Not everyone will consider these sorts of feelings, but if you do, it can be so easy to try to turn yourself away from the thoughts and push them aside.
In my experience, as hard as you push them away, they will be persistent; like an itch you can't scratch, a piece of food that gets stuck in your teeth that you can't quite seem to get out. Personal circumstances will also influence whether someone can safely delve into these sorts of thoughts/ideas/actions, and I encourage you to be mindful of that. Not everyone is in a position to be true to who they are.
Read that again.NOT EVERYONE IS IN A POSITION TO BE TRUE TO WHO THEY ARE.
Queer folks have been fighting, and continue to fight, to be seen, to be heard, to be understood. For many years. This is not new. This is not a fad, not a "tiktok trend". These are real people, who just want to be themselves. Nobody should have to fight to simply thrive and survive, but we do. I will continue to advocate for my fellow queer folks and I hope those of you who aren't already, will consider doing the same.
Be vocal in your support and shut down any harmful rhetoric.
Many things have happened since my last update. I've taken the time off the internet to take care of myself, as the online space after the US election was an easy way to get stuck in a doomer mindset. I'm unsure how things are going to be, but I'm doing my best to stay positive, and focus on the things I can control. I'm very fortunate to live in a nice neighborhood with my darling and that we have a viable exit plan if shit hits the fan. Hopefully it wont come to that, though.
Luckily, I requested a week off from work and have been able to enjoy the time home with my darling and re-center back onto my creative endeavors, not feeling so stuck in the capitalistic loop of workhell. It's been much needed, and I'm so grateful! I hope this will help my mindset once I do get back to work also, since I was definitely getting a bit burned out.
That being said, if anyone would like someone to chat with, as I know this isnt easy for a lot of folks, my inbox is open! email me at: [email protected].
Please keep in mind that I am an adult with a full-time job so I may not be able to respond quickly, but I will do my best.
